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 BACON WRAPPED TRIPLE BEEF PATTY W CHEESE AND HOLLANDAISE: Let's get this started, gentlemen! I have places to be, bills to veto, pubescents to ... | BACON WRAPPED TRIPLE BEEF PATTY W CHEESE AND HOLLANDAISE: Let's get this started, gentlemen! I have places to be, bills to veto, pubescents to plump!
[ Spurlocks’s delicious spotlight into the funny, the bizarre, the unyielding Wicked of corporate fast food is all at once interesting and wonderful and disgusting. However, “Super Size Me,” has caused militant outbreaks in the food [community, so a summit has been called to find reconciliation. The following are the proceedings from a panel discussion of the United Nosh-ins. The proceedings began with a definitive statement by the red-meat representative, Bacon-wrapped Triple Beef : ]
BACON WRAPPED TRIPLE BEEF PATTY W CHEESE AND HOLLANDAISE: It is not fair, Spurlock has a mouth from which to speak. We only have these small holes from the seasame seeds from which to utter injustices.
FRENCH FRY: Yes! Let us, the vilified, have our say!
CELERY STICK: What's the matter Representitive Fry--does the truth hurt, worse than heartburn?
FRENCH FRY: It must be said- "Watching Super Size Me" is akin to polishing off those few soggy stragglers at the bottom of the fry bag right after you’ve finished a combo meal: maybe you feel a little sick--but they’re soooo good!
PEACH: Great metaphor, Representative Fry. As it happens, this is exactly how the documentary feels. Enjoyable, but you sort of feel like you want to pop an entire roll of Tums after.
BACON WRAPPED TRIPLE BEEF PATTY W CHEESE AND HOLLANDAISE: That’s not fair! And neither is this film.
FRENCH FRY: Yes! Fast food will prevail. United we Stand.
PEACH: United you Sit. You don’t want to unduly strain your cholesterol-clogged arteries anymore than you have already. And I for one, loved the film.
FRENCH FRY: Yes it is enjoyable, I suppose. And so am I, dipped in ketchup! (Try me in fry sauce, too!)
CELERY STICK: Spurlock gives us a smorgasboard of information—what we eat, what’s in it, how we eat it, and why we maybe should consider putting down our favorite greasy vices and reach for a rice cake instead.
RICE CAKE: Please leave me out of this.
CELERY STICK: Okay, Mr. Fry, as the delegate for both France and the US, you should have something positive to say.
FRENCH FRY: I suppose. Docuphobes will like it—it’s a super palatable doc, with enough animated, witty asides to keep you hungry for more. The film is unafraid and unapologetic, as is Spurlock.
BACON WRAPPED TRIPLE BEEF PATTY W CHEESE AND HOLLANDAISE: (audible gasp) You traitor!
PEACH: Spurlock doggedly asks the questions—chiefly, why we’re continually stepping up to the plate (or cardboard carton), but the government isn’t. It’s worth it alone just for the hilarious caricatures of that iconic red-headed clown—a figure now on par with any other villian.
BACON WRAPPED TRIPLE BEEF PATTY W CHEESE AND HOLLANDAISE: And I suppose Spurlock understands this health epidemic perhaps more than most?
PEACH: He knows that as Americans we want to have our Double Bacon Cheeseburger and eat it too.
CELERY STICK: And he’s certainly done his research—field-tested every inch of every fatty food that inflates us to the size of tractors (small ones). He ate fast food for 30 days straight. He’s worthy of our trust.
FRENCH FRY: But like most documentaries, there are agendas! I smell a conspiracy!
[REP. FRY ATTACKS REP STICK. IS THROWN OUT FOR FOOD FIGHTING]
BACON WRAPPED TRIPLE BEEF PATTY W CHEESE AND HOLLANDAISE: But there ARE biases! Information is missed. This is not purely intentional in Spurlock’s case, but still objectivity must be achieved. I’d like to bring in a few guest panelists.
SUGARY SOFTDRINK: Spurlock is crazy. What is so wrong with sugar, y’all! I taste great!
FRENCH FRY 2: I don’t care if it says “French,” I am the most AMERICAN item I can think of. Don’t you want to be patriotic?
SUGARY SOFTDRINK 2: My caffeine keeps road trippers alert for hours!
GRAVY: I am so attracted to Paul Giamatti. Seriously, did anyone see “Sideways?”
CELERY STICK: Enough! Don’t you see what Spurlock was saying? Fast food is bad for us.
DEEP FRIED PANCAKE ON A STICK W LOW SELF ESTEEM: Hmm, maybe people do deserve better than me….
BACON WRAPPED TRIPLE BEEF PATTY W CHEESE AND HOLLANDAISE: No, you guys! We’re fine. We’re not at risk. America loves us! Gluttons will save us!
PEACH: I don’t think so. Spurlock has interestingly illuminated a lot of things about the potential dangers of fast food consumption.
CHOCOLATE SHAKE: I don’t feel so hot.
BACON WRAPPED TRIPLE BEEF PATTY W CHEESE AND HOLLANDAISE: That's because you're a frozen dessert!
CELERY STICK: Yep, this educational and highly entertaining film will make the public really stop and think. Maybe the next time they think about sliding another burger down their throats, they’ll choke on some of the facts presented in the film.
SUICIDAL CURLY FRY: Put a spork in us. We’re done. |
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